| (no subject) |
[May. 12th, 2006|04:31 pm] |
you guys. elijah is maybe about to poke his very small and delicate hand with a sharp metal stick tonight. And bleed! :O
what should we do!?
even if that magician's trick works - which keith barry himself assured us IT MAY NOT! - elijah could still get a paper cut from one or all of those pointy paper cones! or they could dry up his soft hands from the paper absorbing his human body oil. o.O
HE NEEDS ALL HIS BODILY FLUIDS! they are there for a reason! we must do something!
but what!? |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 7th, 2005|02:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  worried | ] |
Guys, I'm really getting worried here. Do you think Elijah knows what that woman (I won't sully my fingers or your eyes by typing her name), even looks like? Oh, I bet he'd be SHOCKED if he truly saw her.
I think she's hiding his glasses. It's something someone like her would do! I am sure of it!
But if we each contribute just a little bit of money (merely the cost of a Venti Chai Latte), we can order Elijah a new pair of glasses and save him from her trickery! (I'm working on getting tax-exempt status).
(I though about contacts but those sound dangerous! He could poke his beautiful baby blues!)
I've got a paypal account all set up. But we must act quickly! |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 27th, 2005|10:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | worried | ] |
Guys, I'm a little worried here. Do you think Elijah knows Pamela Racine is a girl? I mean, he's so pure and innocent. She could be fooling him! I really think he needs to be warned. |
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| Cameras! |
[Dec. 19th, 2004|04:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Running | ] |
How dangerous are cameras!
One thing they can do is possibly explode! They've been saying cell phones can explode so why not digital cameras? I mean they are made almost the same way. And what about cell phones WITH cameras in them! Much too dangerous.
Elijah's interest in photography is very, very dangerous.
Also, camera's TAKE pictures of him! And the pictures could get out to the fans and deep dark secrets about his life could become known! He might even be seen decorating cookies! And what if we see pictures of him with girls?! The tinhats will do horrible things to him, for sure!
What?! You mean this has already happened!!!!
Runs all the way across the country..through blizzards, over mountains and through masses of screaming tinhats to RESCUE TINY WIDDLE WIJAH!!!!! All by myself. Barefoot.
BAN ALL CAMERAS NOW!!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 17th, 2004|08:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  scared | ] |
I can't believe you people -- you're so preoccupied with wanting to save Elijah from wheat and toasters, you have forgotten the most IMPORTANT and VITAL thing from which he should be rescued:
NATURAL DISASTERS
Los Angeles, California, is in one of the most geologically active areas in the world. Along the San Andreas fault, there is heavy earthquake activity caused by the plates of the crust grinding together. Eventually (in a few million years), it will get so bad that the part of the state that is currently known as Los Angeles will SINK into the OCEAN! All of Hollywood will be lost forever under the Pacific! All the plastic surgery clinics, designer boutiques, seedy bars, and enema salons will be destroyed!
As if this wasn't scary enough, there's always the risk of massive earthquakes levelling the city AT ANY TIME, or huge tsunami from underwater earthquakes coming in and drowning everyone before they can escape!
WE CANNOT HAVE OUR BABY LIVING IN A PLACE LIKE THAT! WE MUST GO AND RESCUE HIM IMMEDIATELY, EVEN IF HE IS KICKING AND SCREAMING "CALL THE POLICE, I'M BEING KIDNAPPED BY A BUNCH OF PSYCHOPATHS!" He may protest, but it is FOR HIS OWN GOOD.
We all know science is against God, but if it can save Elijah, then it is all worth it! |
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| Elijah Rescue Project idea! |
[May. 15th, 2004|04:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Electric 6 - "Danger! High Voltage" | ] |
I think we should all pool our efforts and send a card to Elijah every day, showing him one of the dangers he should be avoiding.
Here are a few card ideas from Czechoslovakia! They show how Elijah should never ride a bicycle, open a window, go near cars, go outdoors, come close to trees, climb a ladder, cook, ride a truck, take medicine, eat fruit, or ice skate! Just look!
http://www.cardhouse.com/a/distress/d1.htm
After that we'd have to make our own cards. We can print out pictures of Elijah from our own huge collections, cut out his image, and paste it into a situation he should avoid, like a hockey game, or Woodstock!
Elijah needs our help! Who wants to pitch in to make a difference in his life and save him from possible pain, or even death!? Sign up now!!! |
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| Danger! |
[May. 15th, 2004|04:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | worried | ] |
I am so worried about Lij, because I'm pretty sure he has a microwave. If not, he at least has easy access to one! Hot water can explode and it could hurt our poor baby's beautiful face! We have to keep him from heating water in the microwave. In fact, he should stay away from microwaves altogether - who knows what damage they could be doing to his perfect internal organs?
Lij, sweetie, please don't microwave! And stay away from all water, just to be safe! |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 12th, 2004|09:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | worried | ] |
We all know Elijah likes music. But! Music can damage hearing! Yes, it's true!
http://www.accelerated-learning-online.com/research/effects-simultaneous-exercise-loud-music-hearing-acuity-auditory.asp
http://www.abelard.org/hear/hear.htm
And! There are lots of other things that can damage Lij's poor ears.
Airplanes taking off can damage hearing as well! As a famous actor, Lij flies a lot but maybe he should reconsider! But only if he gets a *safe* car, like the PopeMobile.
Gunshots are dangerous too! Lij, don't make any movies with guns!
Squealing pigs are quite bad for hearing, too. Not sure how he can avoid those because fangirls squeal, too. And if Lij avoided fangirls, where would we be! I mean, his hearing would be safe but he's an actor! He must love meeting normal, sane, caring, concerned, empathetic, sympathetic fans. Who don't spread dirty rumors, of course!
Lij, just remember your earplugs!
And never, ever, ever pick up a sandblaster or launch a rocket, ok? It's for your own good. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 11th, 2004|11:20 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | anxious | ] |
Hey you guys! I was dropping my grandkids Mykel and Alyssa off at school this morning because my daughter had to work, and I was thinking about how dangerous driving is.
Do you think that Elijah drives a safe car? I mean no car is completely safe from accidents because always some crazy person drinking or not paying attention could smash into you, but I was reading that some cars are safer than others like volvos and SUVs and stuff.
I think we should make sure that if Elijah does have to drive or ride around that crazy LA where everyone has the guns and the r0ad rage, that he at least drives in something safe. Hummers are supposed to be really safe for the people in them so that's probably the best thing for him to drive. And maybe when he's not driving but has a driver, he should go around in a popemobile since those things are bulletproof.
Yes maybe the popemobile might be expensive but Elijah is a celebrity and he should spend his money on taking care of his beautiful self.
What do you all think? Maybe we should send a letter to him management or his mom, in case he doesn't read here every day and misses this entry. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 10th, 2004|10:45 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | concerned | ] |
| [ | music |
| | queen | ] |
i am worried about all these gay rumours concerning elijah. doesn't he know that being gay gives you AIDS? not to mention the dangers of anal sex. he could rupture one of his beautiful, precious internal organs! plus, gay people die younger. look at james dean. and freddie mercury. and oscar wilde. and liberace. SEE?!
elijah, if you're reading this, i hope you take my advice: please don't be gay, it's bad for your health.
if you really must be gay, then at least use a condom. preferably two.
and don't forget the lube. |
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